Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
