oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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