ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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