Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Someone signed my nipple.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
