I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
