Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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