U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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