I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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