he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
