You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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