Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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