Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
