this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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