i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
