we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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