i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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