Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
