In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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