The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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