so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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