I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
