you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
