There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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