There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My ass is underappreciated
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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