He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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