evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
