After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
