This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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