hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
