I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
