She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
