Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
