Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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