Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
