Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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