thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
