4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
