the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize