The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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