They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
