I think my vagina is haunted
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
