Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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