I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
