shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
