just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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