opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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