This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
