Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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