we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
