I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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