this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
