New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
