I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
