I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
