he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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