Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
