Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
