if you like me you must not know who I am
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
