Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
