Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
When did angry sex become our thing?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
