There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
wow bdsm is so cute
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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