I can tuck mytits in my pants
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
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