he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
