Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
