What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
