Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize