got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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