he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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