You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
