I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
