Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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