Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
